Why I do not have a job: Reason #1 - The Best of Office Space

Sometimes I get a little de-motivated from the apathetic, non-productive and wageless existence I live. I get crazy ideas, like maybe I'll type in 'www.seek.com.au' into the address bar and see what comes up.
But no. With steely determination, I force browser back to youtube and watch clips from Mike Judge's 1999 masterpiece 'Office Space', and I remember, this is why I don't work.

Political Buzzwordgasm

Stephen Dann has mapped last night's budget speech as a tag cloud on his blog.

Biggest tag? 'Government'. Second biggest? 'RuddGovernment' lolz.

A budget for working families - what does it mean for the unemployed?

You might think the populist rhetoric espoused by our newly minted treasure (still fresh and smiling out of the plastic cling wrap) in his maiden budget speech would be detrimental to the likes of TWiU listeners. Afterall, a policy of favouring 'working families' in the zero-sum game of divvying up the public pie has that mutually exclusive effect of burdening everyone else, and form our point of view, those that don't quite like that bit about 'working'.

But then I had a thought - how much emphasis is really put in that 'working' bit?

Let's take means testing the baby bonus as an example.

Wayne has capped it at combined household incomes of $150, 000.

The real criteria here, it seems, is that you have to be a family, not even working, and in fact, not working too hard.

The crux of social engineering schemes such as the baby bonus seems to me to simply be that of the family, not the honest working life. We at TWiU have thus no qualms with this, perhaps even advocate it if it's going to produce a greater legion of offspring with the unemployed ethos genetically imbued within them.

I, for one, welcome our new economic populist, productivity hampering overlords.

Job Spotlight - human guinea pigs

It's been getting increasingly harder syncing times for new podcasts, so I'm introducing a new feature onto the blog to encourage more of our listeners to read our commentary instead of just downloading content from itunes.

I had this idea a while ago, after watching Woody Allen's Bananas, to eek a living out of testing products for companies and the government. The attraction is obvious - get paid not for actually doing anything, but have something done to you.

1. Is it a living?

There isn't much of a market in Australia, but travel to the US where commercial and government scientists are requiring a total of at least 10,000,000 healthy subjects. Lengthy and involving medical studies can pay thousands of dollars each. One drug trial in Baltimore, typical of its kind, paid US$6,500 for four 12 day stints of blood samples, echo cardiograms, and physical checkups. Professional guinea pigs do exist. Nick F (anonymous to protect his earning capacity - researchers are weary of serial testers) participated in over twenty studies throughout the US in 2007, netting him around $80,000 for the year - equivalent to most middle management office and retail jobs requiring tertiary qualifications.

2. Is it dangerous?

There is an obvious element of risk being the first person to try anything. In March 2006, eight male volunteers checked into London's Northwick Park Hospital for a weeklong study of TGN1412, an experimental treatment for rheumatoid arthritis and leukemia to be manufactured by Boehringer- Ingelheim. Within minutes of receiving the first dose, six of them began to writhe in pain, vomit, and lose consciousness, according to news reports. Nurses rushed them to the hospital's trauma unit, where doctors treated them for multiple organ failure. The test subjects lived, but all suffered permanent damage to their immune systems and internal organs. One lost fingers and toes. Another developed signs of cancer possibly triggered by the drug.

The liability waivers that must be signed before being accepted as a subject are extensive, it's simply a case of fingers crossed and hope for the best.

What's involved?

A major qualification to the idea of getting paid to not do actual work is that there is a fair bit of work involved, primarily, in finding the 'work' itself. Pros spend much of their 'free' time scouring the internet for medical trial notices, air fares, car rentals and short term accommodation. It's important not to miss the big tests which can each form 20% of more of a guinea pig's yearly salary.

The Bottom Line

Once you get the process of sorting out new trials, it's a breeze - just sit back and let a bespectacled man in a white lab coat inject an unknown purple serum into your neck. Collect paycheck. Repeat.